What has meaning for you? Mother's Day?

Originating in America Mother's Day is commonly celebrated on the second Sunday in May. It's that one day of the year where we as a collective and individually are encouraged to honour mothers and motherhood.

Again I am curious about the significance of this day. Do we celebrate it out of a sense of obligation and pressure from social norms or do we truly embrace it as an opportunity to express our love and follow traditions that have deep meaning to us? Is Mother's Day an intellectual (and commercial) concept or is it a day that stimulates us into authentic and connected action?

I believe there are so many factors that impact on our responses to these questions. Yes we could look at gender or whether you are a parent or not. The list goes on and on. I suggest our lifecycle stage and ready made traditions are the significant factors here.

What are lifecycle stages?  Reflect on these questions.

Are you a child? Are you a baby? Preschooler? Teenager? Young single adult? Newly partnered? New parent? Your relationship to your mother and your ability to celebrate Mother's Day will be different every year of your life.

Are you an adult? Motherless? Childless? Partnered? Single? Your relationship to motherhood will be dynamic as well.

And what about the rituals of Mother's Day?  Let's look at a traditional Mother's Day.  A card and present either handmade or purchased. Breakfast in bed is served.  A lunch prepared by others and consumed with children. Daily chores abandoned for pampering and relaxing.  A more modern day ritual is for the mother to have some 'me' time - either celebrated with other mummy friends or alone.  Either way separate from partner and children.

Our experience and expectations of  Mother's Day will be different through out our lives. At times it will hold extreme meaning for us in both the positive and negative - joy, happiness, excitement to dread, grief and sadness.  At other times we may feel ambivalent and even quite indifferent.

What does this reflection on Mother's Day mean in terms of acting and the creative process? It emphasises the idea that what has meaning for us today right now again is a gut response not an intellectual concept. Sanford Meisner suggests that what had meaning for us in the past does not have the same meaning for us as it does now in the present (much more about this in a later post). It's also important to insure ourselves against the unrealistic stereotypes of mother and motherhood fed to us by the media.

So where do I stand on this day?

Firstly all catalogues that look like the one above need to be destroyed and banned! Boo to that stereotype.

I have been on the 'swings and roundabouts' pertaining to this day. I remember excitedly buying that soap thingy from the school Mother's Day stall when I was in prep and making my mum a wonderful seashell ashtray as a gift. There have been years I have simply paid lip service, done my duty or been totally absent altogether.   As a mother I have had my expectations both exceeded and brutally crushed.

While planning this post I realised that I've never really played an active part in this celebration.  I have just gone long with a heap of second hand expectations. I believe my family have never really made this day personal - our own.

And so I had a conversation with my mother. I asked her what the day has meant to her. And I asked her what she really wants from the day this year.

Mum: it's about being with your own mum

(She tears up remembering her mum who is no longer alive)

Mum: it's about spending time with your family as it's rare to get everyone together at the one time 

Me: but I spend all my time with my child!

Mum: (laughing) yes that's because you have a little child. When kids grow up and life gets busy it's nice to look forward to the days, like Christmas and birthdays, when you especially get together

Me: Okay. And what would you really do if you could do anything you like.....if we made our own special ritual?

Mum: I'm not sure..... but I do know I do not want any presents this year. I want money. I just want money to go towards my trip. And I'm telling your brother too. No presents just give me the money. 

(Mum and me laugh.)

So my Mother's Day today has been simple, tradition and new. In the interests of my child, my mother and myself.  My child visited the shops for the first time to purchase me an affordable and requested present. (The book Gone Girl). I enjoyed breakfast in bed (rice malt syrup on muffins with a cup of tea) for the first time ever as a mum.  And my mum received a surprise lunch out, a gift handmade by me ........ and some money!  Today I have honoured and I feel honoured.

So what does this day mean to you?  Do you and your mother share a ritual that is special and unique to you?  Does the day hold difficult feelings? Or is it a celebration you look forward to with joy?  Let me know. Happy Mother's Day to you all.

Motherhood has a very humanizing effect. Everything gets reduced to essentials - Meryl Streep