Oh so grateful!

Today I am very grateful to be alive. It is that simple. I feel I am one of the lucky ones.

This week I received some sad and yet not so unexpected news that led me to attending a funeral on Thursday. It was one of the most beautiful funerals I have ever been to.  I never thought I would use the word 'beautiful' to describe a funeral service. I feel so very sad.  A kind and beautiful woman lost a ravaging battle to cancer. Too young. Too soon.

None of us have any idea when our time is truly up. All we have is this moment. I am guilty of worrying about the future and ruminating over the past. It's a waste of my time.

Today I am very grateful for all the simple moments I experience. It may sound like a cliche - it is not. It is my truth and that is all I will ever really have.

Death is no more than passing from one room into another. But there's a difference for me, you know. Because in that other room I shall be able to see - Helen Keller

I would like to thank Sunday for this challenge and all the other blogs I have discovered this past month. Thank you for your kind comments and support.

Now for something a little lighter......

Why not ...... go for a walk?

It's Wednesday and time to take a walk.

For about 20 minutes.

By yourself.

Just because you can.

You might notice

your right foot touching the ground and then your left foot. Arms swinging by your sides. Some parts of you relaxed. Other parts quite tense. Your breath leaving and entering your body. A slight breeze around you or a gusty wind. 

You might notice

the color of the sky. The texts, structures and nature around you. How it all looks at this time of day.  People you pass by. 

You might notice

the soundtrack around you. The birds. Yappy dogs. Traffic. Building works. Silence.

You might notice

smells, odours, armours, scents that you never or always pay attention to. 

You might notice

your thoughts and how they make you feel. Your feelings and what they make you want to do. 

You might notice

that walking (a doing) can make you feel things and think things.   

So why not take a walk this fine Wednesday.

All truly great thoughts are conceived by walking - Friedrich Nietzsche

Family Fun

Despite my generational history of dysfunction and trauma the one thing my family is really good at is having fun.  We really do know how to have fun!

I have many memories of playing spontaneous games, performing in impromptu concerts, listening to funny (and spooky) stories, singing and dancing to great music. Big parties. Lots of laughter and high spirits. With my parents, sibling, aunties and uncles, cousins and grandparents.

The fact I had young parents and young relatives contributed greatly to this family fun mantra. My mum and dad didn't shut up shop on their social lives when they became parents. They took us to all their parties when we were little children. And they joined us at many a rock/pop concerts in our teenage and adult years.

Time brings many changes. Loved ones lost. Relationships broken. New members of family are introduced.

And now as my parents re-partner and my brother and I establish nuclear families of our own I feel we are leaving the positives of our family behind. I truly miss the sense of fun we once experienced and enjoyed. It's not a yearning for days gone by. No way do I want to revisit the past. I do long for the easiness for familiarity, the freedom of no responsibility and being available to light and laughter. I miss that celebration of fun.

There are moments. But oh so fleeting.

The mixing of family of origins is often a tricky process. I have found that the 'other' becomes the dominant experience. And I don't like that. I want my daughter to receive this positive tradition from me. I want her to feel like she comes from a fun and playful environment.

And so daily I create experiences and accept invitations which embrace my history and understanding of family. For her. For me. And for all my loved ones.

Did your family have an essence? Is there anything missing from your 'new' family?  What do you need to let go of and what do you need to embrace from your personal family history?

My family is my strength and my weakness - Aishwarya Rai Bachchan

Project Me

I have never seen myself as one with a passion for projects.

Yet on reflection I realise I often have a relationship project brewing away.

My recent project history looks something like this:

Project find someone to spend the rest of my life with - DONE

Project swan around as a blissfully happy couple - DONE

Project have a fur-baby - DONE 

Project get pregnant and have child - DONE

Project avoiding disappearing into the hopeless depths of darkness - CONTINUING 

Project try to have another child - FAILED SPECTACULARLY

Project I quit sugar - CONTINUING

My 2014 project is Project Me.  It's about me making a commitment to the relationship I have with myself.   Many moons ago in my first experience of therapy my therapist would talk again and again about working/improving 'the relationship with yourself'. I honestly had absolutely no idea what she was talking about. Session after session I would simply smile and nod my head in agreement - I was a major people pleaser even in therapy - and think to myself  'what on earth is she talking about?!?!'

(Note: if you do not understand what your therapist is saying TELL THEM. In fact if you don't understand anything that anyone says to you TELL THEM!)

Project Me (currently) comprises of four components:

1. Meditate daily
2. Eat clean
3. Move more
4. Have fun

It's a process. It's a framework from which I am trying to make choices and decisions. I imagine this project will see me through to the end of 2014 and many years beyond. I now have both an emotional and intellectual understanding of those words my therapist spoke to me all those years ago. And I realise for me to take on any new projects in the future I need to have a rock solid foundation in Project Me first. 

I have an everyday religion that works for me. Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line - Lucille Ball

      

A guestie

Today my dear friend and colleague Emma Townshend, animal advocate and artist based in Melbourne, has written today's post.  Emma and I met way back in 2000 when we were both part of a production for the Melbourne Fringe Festival. While the show was utterly forgettable our connection as friends is always most memorable.  Thank you Emma for your stimulating conversation, encouraging support and wild laughter.  

Well – my creative process......

I think it is telling that I have known about this guest blog for weeks and it is due today so here I am sitting in front of the screen writing this morning!

I had this grand plan this would be the first thing I would write on my first (but very second hand!) typewriter. It works - I just haven’t gotten around to buying the needed ribbon....

For years I had been frustrated and angry about my ‘procrastination’ in focus here – like procrastination had a bad odour or something and I added it to my rising pile in my personal box of shame to further act as a doorstop to my dreams – leaving the door open for others screaming for the results, the end piece. 

"Be successful. Tout suite. Now.... and why aren’t you??? Are you published? Look at him. Look at her. That’s the trick. That’s how you do it. That’s what people want."

My vulnerability took this on as negative feedback and diminished my confidence. 

Until I let go.

And defined my own creativity (and my own punctuation and grammar rules!!). I celebrate and enjoy my procrastination now. There are such gems in it. It is essential.

For me, once I have set my subject of interest I just go about my life and let curiosity take me on detours where I stumble across inspired relevance to my idea. 

Okay – an example I feel is needed. At the moment one of my mediums is radio. I help produce an animal advocacy show for 3CR Community independent radio in Melbourne called, “Freedom of Species”, covering all issues from rewilding, rights to basic appreciation of our fellow species we share the planet with. 

A while back, I decided to work on a show about the Emu.  For some reason I started to become distracted by these beautiful photographs of the cosmos that had been published and low and behold I was taken on a journey that led me to the fact that there is a star constellation called the Emu in theSky. The show then gained so much more colour and texture in narrative and also acknowledged  the importance of the constellations in Australian Aboriginal culture. I guess I followed my heart and the stars.

My creative process is occasionally riddled with potholes of self doubt and the F-word. Fear. I slip in and drown in anxiety for a little while but I always get spat out realising the floatiesto survive this is to trust my own decisions.

The last time I fell through one of those ‘cracks’ I was promptly saved. I popped into a cafe called “Las Vegan” in Smith St Collingwood, Melbourne to cheer myself up with a muffin and there on reception they had organised to collect letters from anyone who could spare the time and postage stamp to write letters of support old style to refugees in these prisonlike detainee camps. How powerful. How simple. How creative. How simple it can be to create the ripples of hope and change.

That is inspiring.

copyright Emma Townshend 

Guess who's coming to dinner?

Many many years ago, in a job interview for a very corporate job, I was asked the question 'if you could invite 3 people to dinner tonight who would they be?'  My first response was instant horror - people coming to MY place for dinner. Can't clean. Can't cook. OMG! Then I pulled myself together and responded with Bill and Hillary Clinton and Roseanne (Barr). Yes it was a long time ago! Needless to say none of these people visited me for dinner and I didn't get the job.

Fast forward to present day 2014. This question still fills me with horror! My invitation list would look like this:

• Nigella Lawson. Not the real Nigella of course! I want to meet the character she plays on her cooking shows. To be indulged by her culinary skills and her sensual language. 
• Roseanne. Or Rosie O'Donnell. Or Ruby Wax. There is a theme here. I wonder if you can guess it?
• Ricky Martin. Gorgeous smile. Fabulous voice. Kind spirit. 

And then I sat with the question a little longer.

Who would I really like to invite to dinner tonight?

And my response became very clear to me. I could see it in pictures. I could feel it in my gut. 

I would love to invite my grandmother (who passed away over 15 years ago) and my mother and my brother. I can see the three of them sitting together in my current day kitchen.  The smell of my nan's 'don-farting' soup filling the room. My brother busy preparing the main meal. The laughter of us all as we bring Nan update with the stories of her great-grandchildren. I would truly love to host this dinner party. 

In reality this guest list is as elusive as my famous people invitation list. However this is the fantasy that fills me with life. 

And for just a moment I can trick myself into believing it is real. 

And my chest swells with emotion.  

And my imagination conquers my logic.

And this dinner party memory feels so 'real' it is difficult to send it back to the fantasy world in which it belongs. 

Strange to see how a good dinner and feasting reconciles everybody - Samuel Pepys

Commenting on comments

I am what is known in the blogging world as a 'lurker'. Read the blog, never comment. I have been reading various blogs over the past few years and I have only left a handful of comments.  Given that comments and likes are the currency of social networking, on reflection, I have been quite a 'mean' 'friend/follower/subscriber'.

And given that I am now a blogger myself I have a new found respect for the comment and I am embracing the 'give and you shall receive' idea.

This May I have been visiting heaps of new blogs and practicing the art of comment giving. And I do believe it's an art because I think my experience with other social networking sites (my favourite is Instagram) has dumbed down my communication skills a bit. You see when I read a blog post I have enjoyed I am struck with the impulse to 'like' it. I am initially lost for words!  And then I experience some comparison paralysis when I read all the other comments that are so beautifully crafted compared to my simple 'gee I like this'.

So now that I am committing to giving a bit more love in blogland please don't be shy in leaving a comment or two on this here blog as you are passing through.

Usually I don't comment on comments of others - Jose Manuel Barroso

What's on your plate?

I have a lot on my plate right now. A lot!

Yes there are the daily responsibilities - raising my child, work, running a home. That's the yummy bit.

What's making my plate so heavy right now?  Major emotional and relationship matters.

I have always struggled with really looking after myself. I have done (and am still doing) a lot of work in this area. There are some aspects that I have no problems with. Others - particularly my physical wellbeing - I find a constant battle.

Then there is the stuff that I have no control over - other people and external circumstances.

And owning that I do have control over how I respond to these external realities - that's challenging too.

I allow fear, anger and denial to stop me from clearing my plate. What's stopping you?

My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it's on your plate - Thornton Wilder

Why not .... go see some art?

Artist:Yvonne Sherring

Today let's look at visual art.

Don't just look at something in a book or on the computer. Go take a visit to somewhere that displays real life art.

Paintings. Sculpture. Installations.

Art galleries are not the only places you can find art. Museums.  Public spaces. Hotels. Corporate office foyers. Libraries. Your own home.

See it in the flesh and let it move you.

Because when you take the time to really look at a piece you will discover that it moves you in some way.

Enjoy!

Love art in yourself, not yourself in art - Konstantin Stanislavski

Acting is doing ......... get out of your head!

Anyone watching The Voice?   Yes, you follower of the masses.  No, not your thing?  Either way I must mention some feedback will.i.am gave an unsuccessful contestant on Sunday night.

He said something like this "so you made a mistake.  Then you went into your head and stayed there for the rest of the song. You needed to let it go....."

If we have ever worked together you would have heard me say time and time again 'you are in your head'. And. GET. OUT. OF. YOUR. HEAD.

What am I saying?  Stop thinking!!!!

When you think or get stuck in your head you are no longer available to the moment. You cannot do what you need to do 100 percent.

Acting is doing. Not thinking.

So you don't know how to get out of your head? Start listening.  Really listening.

Don't think. Thinking is the enemy of creativity. It's self-conscious, and anything self-conscious is lousy. You can't try to do things. You simply must do things - Ray Bradbury

"You may say I'm a dreamer..."

source:play school

When asked the question 'what's your dream job?' I wonder what first pops into your head?

Are you blank? Or do you have a clear and definite answer?

Do you see it in pictures - like a movie where you are the star?

Are you currently in pursuit of this vision or does it feel like an impossible dream?

Perhaps it isn't a specific job role but rather a set of conditions and circumstances that bring you a specific feeling.

For me a dream job is simply the pursuit of something you love or are passionate about where you receive (hopefully) appropriate remuneration. A job where 99.9 percent of the time you can't wait to get there and time seems to fly while you are doing what you do. In a dream job you feel authentic and true to who you are. You feel full and connected to your power.

And most importantly a dream job is personal - it's about you and only you. Remember the significant media discussion when Andre Agassi released his autobiography? He revealed that when he was one of the world's top tennis players he hated tennis.  A dream job is not necessarily doing what you are good at.

I feel incredibly lucky because when I am asked 'what's your dream job?' I can easily say I am doing it. Yes I would like to earn more income or maximise that income/output ratio. Yes I wish to work more hours without compromising my other responsibilities. Yes I want to work with new people in different environments. And I am also certain my idea of 'the dream job' will be dynamic - it will evolve and develop as I grow and change.

There is one particular dream job for me that I know (at my life stage) I will never accomplish. I have always wanted to be a host on Play School. Yes - the thought of hanging with Big Ted, Humpty and Jemima and really playing is my ideal. Oh well - in another lifetime perhaps?

I would love to hear where you are at in pursuing your dreams.  And let me you if you need any assistance -  I would love to help!

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life - Confucius

Cos I'm happy.....

Ten things that make me happy

1. Sunshine and blue skies
2. A small child (not my own) crawls up onto my lap for an unsolicited cuddle
3. A good - and I mean GOOD - decaf latte. Smell, taste and look are all important
4. A homemade vegetable soup and toast with lots of butter
5. Learning something new - anything
6. The expression on the face of the contestant when a chair turns for them during The Blind Auditions on The Voice
7. A choc-top at the movies
8. Intense and inspiring conversations with any one of my amazingly powerful and inspiring friends
9. Taking photos
10. This song

What's on your happy list today? Have you made one lately? Do you even know when you truly feel happiness in your gut? I'm interested to hear what you think about a Top Ten Happiness list. 

Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy - Guillaume Apollinaire

Blogging about blogs

I have a confession to make - I am a binger. I can binge on food, TV shows and blogs.

"What do you mean by this?" I hear you ask.

Well instead of consistently and regularly checking in with a blog, I will find one I like and read as many posts as I can in one sitting. Then maybe forget about it for awhile until it next comes to my attention. Some of the blogs I have binged on include

• acting coach Scotland
• Karen Maezen Miller
• The Wellness Warrior
• Childhood 101

And I am currently reading many of the blogs participating in this challenge.

However there is one blog that I do check everyday and it's

• Edenland by Eden Riley

It is what is known as a personal blog. It makes me laugh. It makes me cry.  And I think somehow inspired me to start a blog. Take a look and let me know what you think. And I would love to hear about any of the blogs you regularly check in with too. 

Put your blog out into the world and hope that your talent will speak for itself - Diablo Cody

Buddha Inspiration

Found on Instagram.

Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Why not ..... visit the zoo?

When was the last time you visited a zoo? Can't remember? Last week?  No matter when it was I invite you to put the zoo on your to do list ASAP. Here in Australia we are very lucky to have some beautiful zoos. From the spectacular animal exhibits to the immaculate landscaping zoos are very much a sensory experience.

Why don't you spend some time observing the animals - how they move and how they interact with each other and the 'audience'.

Spend some time observing the humans around you - how they move and how they interact with what's around them.

Spend some time observing yourself - how you move and how you interact with your environment and surroundings.

(Note if you were a student of Lee Strasberg (and many other drama schools) you would spend a significant amount of time at the zoo in preparation for his Animal Exercises.)

Take some time out to explore the zoo and let me know what you discover.

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile - Albert Schweitzer

A funny photo

What's in a name?

Even though I am very new to this blogging caper I did quite a lot of research and planning about 18 months ago. I was adamant that I was not going to use my personal name for the blog. There is another internationally famous Simone Young out there and I did not want to get lost/confused/bypassed. I liked the name 'The Acting Coach' but it was already taken. I needed to investigate further.

I put out a call for suggestions from a number of old friends in the business and I got some great feedback.  I really loved many of the suggestions. Yet when I discussed the naming of the blog with my mentors separately they both agreed that using my name would be the ideal way to go.

So here I am with a Blogger account name that contains what I do and what I am called. I have a domain name too that I have yet to successfully attach to this blog. And that's okay because I think I want to change it. The experimenting continues.....

Through out this process I do not think I have asked for any suggestions from the guy I live with and the father of my child.  For privacy sake I shall call him Mr G.  Mr G is particularly good at naming things. It's actually one of his most favorite things to do! He loves to think up names for new bands or songs. He recently came up with a great tag line for my friend's play - forget Don's party this is Dougie's barbie - which became quite controversial. When I was about to give birth to our child he suggested we use our first name as the child's middle name (along gender lines) which I agreed to as I had no idea what we were having. (He did know the baby's gender as he asked the doctor at the 20 week scan so in hindsight he gave me such an honour).

Today I did asked Mr G to give me a list of five possible new names for the blog. He was very interested and he started thinking.  I began to walk away and he said 'where are you going? I'm thinking'. And I replied 'yes and I'm not going to watch you think'. A moment later he calls out from the other room. 'What about Blah Blah Blog? Do you like it?'  I say 'well that's not the point. Any other suggestions?' He says 'answer my question - do you like it?' And we then found ourselves in a little disagreement.

Does this interaction sound familiar to you?

Yesterday I neglected to mention Mr G in my post about Mother's Day. Without his assistance my child would not have been able to purchase me a gift. Without his culinary skills I would not have enjoyed breakfast in bed.  So Mr G thank you for making Mother's Day 2014 a memorable one. My appreciation for you is truly beyond your understanding - it's bittersweet.

What a heavy burden is a name that has become too famous - Voltaire

Poetry, anyone?

This is a love story

Hi
Hi
Blue eyes
Beautiful smile
Luscious lips
Soft firm touching moulding
Together entwined minds and bodies
Bliss joy ecstasy
Overwhelming delight
Can this last forever?

What
What
Stop looking at me that way
What did you say
Nothing everything wrong thing
Worry guilt shame blame
Sorry let's start again and again and again and again
Blaming
Pushing
Betrayal denial
Manipulation destruction
Heart broken smashed into a million tiny pieces
Over and over
Cold dark loneliness
Dreams forgotten
Can this last forever?

Bye
Bye
Dead eyes
Ravaged lips
The end indifference
Can this last forever?

This is a love story

Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead - Oscar Wilde

A Sunday drive

I did not make time for a walk on Sunday. I did take these photos on my drive home after a lovely Mother's Day.  I hope you had an enjoyable day too.

The biggest cliche in photography is sunrise and sunset - Catherine Opie

What has meaning for you? Mother's Day?

Originating in America Mother's Day is commonly celebrated on the second Sunday in May. It's that one day of the year where we as a collective and individually are encouraged to honour mothers and motherhood.

Again I am curious about the significance of this day. Do we celebrate it out of a sense of obligation and pressure from social norms or do we truly embrace it as an opportunity to express our love and follow traditions that have deep meaning to us? Is Mother's Day an intellectual (and commercial) concept or is it a day that stimulates us into authentic and connected action?

I believe there are so many factors that impact on our responses to these questions. Yes we could look at gender or whether you are a parent or not. The list goes on and on. I suggest our lifecycle stage and ready made traditions are the significant factors here.

What are lifecycle stages?  Reflect on these questions.

Are you a child? Are you a baby? Preschooler? Teenager? Young single adult? Newly partnered? New parent? Your relationship to your mother and your ability to celebrate Mother's Day will be different every year of your life.

Are you an adult? Motherless? Childless? Partnered? Single? Your relationship to motherhood will be dynamic as well.

And what about the rituals of Mother's Day?  Let's look at a traditional Mother's Day.  A card and present either handmade or purchased. Breakfast in bed is served.  A lunch prepared by others and consumed with children. Daily chores abandoned for pampering and relaxing.  A more modern day ritual is for the mother to have some 'me' time - either celebrated with other mummy friends or alone.  Either way separate from partner and children.

Our experience and expectations of  Mother's Day will be different through out our lives. At times it will hold extreme meaning for us in both the positive and negative - joy, happiness, excitement to dread, grief and sadness.  At other times we may feel ambivalent and even quite indifferent.

What does this reflection on Mother's Day mean in terms of acting and the creative process? It emphasises the idea that what has meaning for us today right now again is a gut response not an intellectual concept. Sanford Meisner suggests that what had meaning for us in the past does not have the same meaning for us as it does now in the present (much more about this in a later post). It's also important to insure ourselves against the unrealistic stereotypes of mother and motherhood fed to us by the media.

So where do I stand on this day?

Firstly all catalogues that look like the one above need to be destroyed and banned! Boo to that stereotype.

I have been on the 'swings and roundabouts' pertaining to this day. I remember excitedly buying that soap thingy from the school Mother's Day stall when I was in prep and making my mum a wonderful seashell ashtray as a gift. There have been years I have simply paid lip service, done my duty or been totally absent altogether.   As a mother I have had my expectations both exceeded and brutally crushed.

While planning this post I realised that I've never really played an active part in this celebration.  I have just gone long with a heap of second hand expectations. I believe my family have never really made this day personal - our own.

And so I had a conversation with my mother. I asked her what the day has meant to her. And I asked her what she really wants from the day this year.

Mum: it's about being with your own mum

(She tears up remembering her mum who is no longer alive)

Mum: it's about spending time with your family as it's rare to get everyone together at the one time 

Me: but I spend all my time with my child!

Mum: (laughing) yes that's because you have a little child. When kids grow up and life gets busy it's nice to look forward to the days, like Christmas and birthdays, when you especially get together

Me: Okay. And what would you really do if you could do anything you like.....if we made our own special ritual?

Mum: I'm not sure..... but I do know I do not want any presents this year. I want money. I just want money to go towards my trip. And I'm telling your brother too. No presents just give me the money. 

(Mum and me laugh.)

So my Mother's Day today has been simple, tradition and new. In the interests of my child, my mother and myself.  My child visited the shops for the first time to purchase me an affordable and requested present. (The book Gone Girl). I enjoyed breakfast in bed (rice malt syrup on muffins with a cup of tea) for the first time ever as a mum.  And my mum received a surprise lunch out, a gift handmade by me ........ and some money!  Today I have honoured and I feel honoured.

So what does this day mean to you?  Do you and your mother share a ritual that is special and unique to you?  Does the day hold difficult feelings? Or is it a celebration you look forward to with joy?  Let me know. Happy Mother's Day to you all.

Motherhood has a very humanizing effect. Everything gets reduced to essentials - Meryl Streep

Top Five on my Fantasy Friday

Oh what an amazing Friday I am about to have....

1. After drinking a delicious green smoothie I enjoy my rigorous personal training session with the fabulous Donna Aston
2. Off to the luxurious Aurora for a full body massage and mini no-surgical face lift.  Oh and I'll need my hair washed and blown out to perfection by Kon
3. Lunch today is at the exquisite Nobu. Yum yum! Brad and Angie will be joining me so we can catchup on all the 'goss' re: kids, acting and world issues
4. A quick call to Oprah - just checking in to see how she's doing
5. Really looking forward to finishing off my day with an afternoon delight with Mr Dreamy

So seriously, what five things do you love on a Friday?

The man who has no imagination has no wings - Muhammad Ali

Gone Girl - a book I haven't read but would like to

I think I originally heard about Gone Girl (best selling thriller by Gillian Flynn) on that book club show on the ABC hosted by Jennifer Byrne back in 2012. (I like that show) I think I was quite interested in the concept of the book and then life got in the way. And I'm not sure if I even made time to read any fiction in that year of my life. 

Fast forward to 2014 and I now have two reasons to read Gone Girl:

• The book has been made into a movie starring Ben Afflect and directed by David Fincher. As it's due for release in October I really want to read the book before I see the movie. 
• A good friend of mine recently read the book and is looking for someone else who has read the book so she can have a juicy discussion about it.

With these motivations I went to my local library about two months ago and reserved a copy of Gone Girl. A large print copy so I would not have to wait too long for it to be returned from loan. And you know what?  That copy was placed on reserve for me but I didn't know because the library notified my old email address!  When I belatedly made this discovery I went to the library to collect that reserved copy but ..... it was Gone Girl!!

(Sorry for the really bad joke - I just couldn't help myself.)

Reading is a basic tool in the living of a good life - Joseph Addison

Where am I writing from today?

Oh I wish I could say I was sitting in a cafe watching the world go by but no ..... I try to create this blog whenever and wherever I can. Stolen moments. I sit with my iPad mini in my lap tapping away in any spot at any time. Today this is my view.

And I guess I will post this later tonight in my lounge room sitting in the red chair by the heater.  Gee it's got cold here in old Melbourne town.

Where is your favourite writing place? Do you like it or could it do with some attention?

So long as you write what you wish to write, that is all that matters; and whether it matters for ages or only for hours, nobody can say - Virginia Woolf

 

Why not. ..... memorise a piece of poetry?

Today's challenge involves your mind and the skill of memorising.  Like any skill the more you practice memorising the better you become.  And you know the saying "move it or loose it" - well it definitely applies to the brain. So use it or loose it!

Do you have a book of poetry in your home? Go grab it. No books? Use Google. Maybe there is a verse that you remember from school. Or perhaps something you've heard quoted in a movie. Or a famous poet whose works you have never read. If you are likely to stress about making a choice like this give yourself a time limit in your search - say 10 minutes.

Let's get to it

• Select a piece of poetry that speaks to you. 
• Write it down.  Write it many times before you speak it.  
• Then take one line and say it to yourself in your head. Over and over. When you can say it many times then go to the next line.  
• Repeat the second line over and over in your head then add it to the first line. Say these two lines together a number of times.  
• Now it's time to look at line three. Continue the same process with all the lines - learn one adding it to the previous one - until you get to the end of the piece.  
• Then practice the whole piece in your head without looking at the lines at all. 

Now it's time to say it out loud. In any way you wish. Enjoy it. See if you can say it out loud every day this week.

Just memorise it and discover that in the simple doing of it you will discover meaning.

This is the piece I have chosen written by Australian writer and poet Nancy Cato:

I would love to hear what piece you chose to memorise so leave me a comment. Thanks!

Don't use the phone. People are never ready to answer it. Use poetry - Jack Kerouac

A favourite photo of me

Have a great day!

Acting is doing........did you hear me?!

The foundation of acting is the reality of doing is one of Sanford Meisner's most famous quotes about acting. Simply put, acting is really doing.  And I believe the fundamental skill an actor (and everyone for that matter) needs is the ability to REALLY LISTEN. It is the key to authentic and moving performance. It is crucial to intimate connection. It is essential to being present.


(side note: in my journey as an actor-in-training I worked with lots of people - drama student at the National Theatre Drama School; American acting processes with Jo Canning, Joan Scheckel, Lucy Freeman and Vikki Blanche; film and TV skills with VCA and Swinbourne; comedy with Liz Sadler and Impro Melbourne; voice with Stephen Costan; filmmaking with Dov Simmons ...... and the list goes on and on! I think I was lucky to find an acting process - the Meisner Technique - that met my inner instincts. It is an incredibly practical process that gave me an amazing set of tools. So yes - you will hear me refer to my personal experience often. However my intention is not to diminish any other approaches to performing and creating.  Nor is the intention of this blog to be an homage to Sanford Meisner. I believe it does not really matter what you have or haven't been trained in.  What matters is your ability to get on and do your job).


When you really listen acting is simple. When you really listen you use your whole body - not just your ears. Meisner says "listen with your gut not you head."  When you really listen the words - your lines - will do you.  When you really listen the words you hear will do you.  When you really listen you can do what the director asks of you - not what you think they said. When you really listen you become open and available to the moment.  And that's when magic can happen.

What others say about listening:

Listening is not merely hearing. Listening is reacting. Listening is being affected by what you hear. Listening is active - Michael Shurtleff 

Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery - Joyce Brothers 

The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them. - Ralph Nichols 

An actor’s a guy who if you ain’t talkin’ about him, ain’t listening - Marlon Brando 

You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time - M. Scott Peck 

Man's inability to communicate is a result of his failure to listen effectively - Carl Rogers 

Everything in writing begins with language. Language begins with listening - Jeanette Winterson 

Listening moves us closer, it helps us become more whole, more healthy, more holy. Not listening creates fragmentation, and fragmentation is the root of all suffering - Margaret J  Wheatley

How to ...... really listen!

Listening is skill.  You can practice listening to become a better listener. It is really quite simple. I have spent many years teaching actors and helping professionals the steps to effective listening. It has been commonly argued that babies start developing listening skills while still in the womb.  So I wonder - how do we become 'bad' listeners? 

(I have many many theories about this and would love to argue them for hours!  However the title of this post is How to and so I will meet that commitment.)

I think the following exercise - split into 3 parts - provides a great starting point to re-gig your listening skills. 

Firstly you need to find

1. A place with no distractions 
2. A timer
3. A person you can do these exercises with - a partner, a lover, a friend who you are emotionally intimate with or a colleague who you trust

Great.  Now let's start with a warmup - part one - what can you hear?

• Sit comfortably in a chair
• Set the timer for 5 minutes
• Listen to the sounds in the room
• Listen to the sounds just outside the room
• List them eg. I can hear my breathing, the hum of the fridge
• Keep a tally of what you hear
• If your mind wanders just gently move yourself back to the activity of what can you hear
• Stop when the timer goes off

So you've completed your warmup. Yay!

Next is part two - really looking

• Both you and your partner sit comfortably in chairs that face each other - with enough space so your knees are not touching your partners
• Set the timer for 5 minutes
• Now look at your partner in detail - as if you had to describe them to one of those police sketch artists or a blind person
• Your partner will be looking at you in detail as well
• Do not talk
• Look at your partner from the tip of the head to the tops of their toes
• Look at all of them. Do not skip parts of them to be polite. Do not miss looking into their eyes, their lips, their sexy bits, their ugly bits. Examine it all
• Breathe
• If you feel the impulse to smile or laugh - that's ok.  Just don't talk
• If you start to think or feel self conscious just put your attention back on your partner and onto the doing of really looking
• When the timer goes off do not talk to your partner

Take some time to reflect on what you felt and what you thought while doing this exercise

Finally part three - really listen

• Again both you and your partner sit comfortably in chairs that face each other - with enough space so your knees are not touching your partners
• Ask your partner to think of something they LOVE to talk about
• When they are ready set the timer for 5 minutes and let them start talking
• Now look at your partner, put all your attention onto them and listen to your partner without speaking to them
• Do not say a word!
• Notice when your mind starts to wonder, when you want to interrupt, ask a question, agree, disagree.  Notice it all and do not say one thing
• Put your attention back onto your partner and really listen to them moment by moment
• Breathe
• When the timer goes off thank your partner

Take some time to reflect on what you felt in your body and what went on in your mind. Again really thank you partner for their time and generosity of spirit. You may like to reverse the roles and do part three again so you get a chance to be really listened to.  

Unfortunately I am not there to check in with you so I do encourage you to do some writing to debrief - why not leave a comment. This exercise is the start of something. We have planted a seed.  Again this post is a How to not a What for - so look out for my follow up post coming soon. 

Hearing is a form of touch. I could hear less through the ears but more through the body - Evelyn Glennie

A compliment that's stuck

On Friday I had a dental appointment to prepare my back molar for a crown. I knew the procedure itself would take at least an hour and a half but I had little idea what the process actually involved. Anyway about an hour and a half in the dental assistant smiled at me and said "you're a very good patient". Oh I felt a little pleased with myself. Like a good little girl.

Then a little bit later the dentist also told me I was a good patient. When the procedure was finally complete both dental nurse and dentist praised me over and over - "oh you are such a good patient" "yes a really good patient". But by this stage my mind began thinking...... I must be the worst patient they have ever seen!

I think that's the curious thing about compliments. While praise and appreciation is something most of us crave on some level, if these words aren't specific to us - if the words don't engage our personal meaning - the critical part of our minds can dismiss and invalidate the kindness we are receiving.

(This discussion is taking my mind to the concept of external vs internal validation - a favourite theme of mine which I will explore further at a later time.)

I think I am really lucky. I love to give a good specific compliment. And it's not unusual for me to be complimented by kind and polite people. There are many professional compliments I can recall - some have been expressed by people's words,  others by their actions.

Like the time an American observer of one of my classes revealed she had been a student of Sanford Meisner and that my class had taken her right back to that time. 

Or when an award winning director told me he thought I was a better acting teacher than the very famous New York coach he had just been studying with. 

Students who have studied with me for years. Others who were once my peers and then become my students. Some who enjoy a successful professional career and still engage my assistance when they need that extra support. 

On a personal level I love hearing

You have a beautiful smile. Oh beautiful eyes. A great laugh. Fun to be with. Fabulous hair!

I am finding it a challenge to decide on just one compliment that's stuck with me. Maybe it's because compliments are momentary.  Someone gives you one. You receive it in the fullness it was given. And you have an reaction. Simply for that moment. Perhaps they aren't meant to stick?  Or perhaps they are.

I can live for two months on a good compliment - Mark Twain

less/more list

less rain. more sunshine. 

less bread. more soup.

less thinking. more doing. 

less denying.  more accepting. 

less staying in.  more staying out. 

less couch potato.  more walking Wonder Woman. 

less clutter.  more organisation. 

less wrinkles. more Botox. 

less arguing.  more loving. 

less internet-ing.  more presence.

less frowning.  more smiling. 

less me.  more me. 

We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth - Virginia Satir

What's in your cup? My cup runneth over

One of my most favourite movie lines is delivered by Gena Rowlands in the movie 'Hope Floats'. As she is tucking her granddaughter Bernice into bed,

Bernice says 'I love you Grandma' and Gena says 'oh oh honey. Honey. My cup runneth over'.

(Even as I type this I feel my throat grow tighter and tears spring to my eyes. Yes I am totally vulnerable to the grandmother/granddaughter relationship).

Not being a religious person it was the first time I had heard this expression. The commonly held meaning of this phrase is I have more than enough for my needs. For me this woman says (and does) so many things in that simple phrase - joy, love, gratitude, appreciation of her darling granddaughter's kindness and character.  And I think Bernice's simple expression of love does indeed fill her grandmother's 'cup'.  In that moment Grandma has all she ever needs.

So what's is your cup?  If your 'cup' represents happiness or love what do you need to fill it - or overflow it even?

Can you list your top five cup fillers? Keep it simple yet specific.

Okay so now you have a list check it again.

• Have you listed your intellectual concepts of what makes you happy? 
• Does this list reflect what has meaning for you today, now, in this very moment? 
• Or is it a representation of you in the past? 
• Do you read your list and feel something? 
• If your list is not moving you then you need to go deeper.

Here is an example of what I mean. The top of my cup fillers list is relationships. But that is too general. I need to list who - family and friends.... No still not specific enough. My daughter. My brother. My friends. Getting closer. I need to list who specifically fills my cup and in what circumstances do I feel stimulated by these relationships. When I do that I have a dynamic and creatively valuable list.  I have the seeds for creation.


So what's in my cup today?

1. My daughter tells me she had 4 treats today and she is wondering why she received them all
2. My friend S and I sitting in Verb cafe, gorgeous surroundings, delicious fresh eggs and great conversation and sharing about our current work projects. Feeling totally met, seen and heard.
3. My brother crying as he begins to tell me about his recent trip to Hiroshima
4. My hairdresser and I laughing as he gossips about the crazy lady who lives next door
5. The excitement in my mother's voice as she describes her first day back at work

I would love to hear what's in your cup .... and I'm pretty sure if you were to leave a comment my cup would runneth over too!

Creativity takes courage - Henri Matisse

What's your goal for today? A blog every day in May challenge

Last night as I was 'surfing the net' (did I really just say that?!) I stumbled across a challenge to blog every day for the month of May.  And I've decided to take on this project to help me get into the practice of blogging.

The prompt for Day One is goal-setting and asking yourself  'what's my goal for today?' (There's is SO much information out there you can read about goal-setting.  You might like to start here.)  I suppose another way to look at this is to ask yourself  'what do I plan to do today that will help me fulfil my hopes and dreams?'

Personally I find setting goals quite a curious exercise. I intellectually understand the power of goal-setting and how it is an integral part of achieving ... anything.  Yet when numbers and deadlines come into play I find myself running in the complete opposite direction from the place I actually want to go.  When I am required to externalise my goals - tell someone specifically what they are - I can become quite commitment-phobic. I am really not sure if these reactions have any particular meaning other than I need to be kinder to myself when it comes to the subject of goal-setting. I prefer to have a plan. Keep it flexible. See where it takes me.

Despite some of my ambivalence around the concept of 'goal-setting' I do think it's really important to do something every day that moves you further along your creative journey. You need to 'work your business' every day.

For some this daily commitment to their process is simple and in-built. A dancer stretches and moves. A musician practices the scales and set list. A painter completes a few quick sketches. A writer commits to meeting the page or computer. A director completes the next task on the project list. But what about an actor?  What do you do each day as part of your daily practice?

My plan for today was to meet a good friend (foster my relationships) and write a blog post (work on my business).  DONE!

In between goals is a thing called life, that has to be lived and enjoyed - Sid Caesar