A compliment that's stuck

On Friday I had a dental appointment to prepare my back molar for a crown. I knew the procedure itself would take at least an hour and a half but I had little idea what the process actually involved. Anyway about an hour and a half in the dental assistant smiled at me and said "you're a very good patient". Oh I felt a little pleased with myself. Like a good little girl.

Then a little bit later the dentist also told me I was a good patient. When the procedure was finally complete both dental nurse and dentist praised me over and over - "oh you are such a good patient" "yes a really good patient". But by this stage my mind began thinking...... I must be the worst patient they have ever seen!

I think that's the curious thing about compliments. While praise and appreciation is something most of us crave on some level, if these words aren't specific to us - if the words don't engage our personal meaning - the critical part of our minds can dismiss and invalidate the kindness we are receiving.

(This discussion is taking my mind to the concept of external vs internal validation - a favourite theme of mine which I will explore further at a later time.)

I think I am really lucky. I love to give a good specific compliment. And it's not unusual for me to be complimented by kind and polite people. There are many professional compliments I can recall - some have been expressed by people's words,  others by their actions.

Like the time an American observer of one of my classes revealed she had been a student of Sanford Meisner and that my class had taken her right back to that time. 

Or when an award winning director told me he thought I was a better acting teacher than the very famous New York coach he had just been studying with. 

Students who have studied with me for years. Others who were once my peers and then become my students. Some who enjoy a successful professional career and still engage my assistance when they need that extra support. 

On a personal level I love hearing

You have a beautiful smile. Oh beautiful eyes. A great laugh. Fun to be with. Fabulous hair!

I am finding it a challenge to decide on just one compliment that's stuck with me. Maybe it's because compliments are momentary.  Someone gives you one. You receive it in the fullness it was given. And you have an reaction. Simply for that moment. Perhaps they aren't meant to stick?  Or perhaps they are.

I can live for two months on a good compliment - Mark Twain